Tuesday, January 6, 2009

HI, HOW ARE YOU????!!!!!

I talked to RosieD tonight for the 1st time in 7 months. RosieD aka. Step-Mom, new wife to the ex, oh and one of my ex-closest friends. As I was driving home in the worst ice storm of the season my phone rang. It was an incoming call from RosieD's cell phone. The same one she called my daughter from on Friday night and told her to NEVEREVER call the cell phone again. mmkay. I answered thinking Tinker Tot was calling me. See, RosieD, she never plays her stalker like games teetering on the edge of what's legal and not legal when she knows the guardian can be called immediately. RosieD, one of my closest, best, girlfriends that walked by my side through the death of Roo, held my hand as I cried, loves Tinker Tot as her own.....till 7 months ago. I answered the phone and there was her Rosie voice in my ear. Truth be told, I miss her. But, I can never forgive her for her actions over the past year. She was calling to tell me she finally brought Tinker to the doctor for her snotty runny ear....ya it's only been 2 weeks, and that Tinker's ringworm is better but only because she was putting bleach on it. BLEACH! Now, being the germaphobic I am I did think about spraying Tinker's ringworm with lysol...oh yes, I did....but settled on spraying every inch of myself instead.

35 mins I listened to RosieD tattle on about the trip to the doctor with Tinker and this and that. 35 mins. of driving through an ice storm seeing accident after accident and concentrating to keep my own darn car on the road. Smart to talk and drive...ummmm no so much. Did it keep me from being the crazy lunatic I wanted to be and tear RosieD a new one and stop pretending like the words she said to me 7 months ago didn't exist. yah.

RosieD and I used to talk everyday. Tinker Tot has grown up knowing both her "Moms" loved each other very much. There used to be movies together, roller skating, scrapbooking, dinners at each other's houses...a mixed family, non-traditional, but filled with love. I thought it was one of the greatest gifts Roo brought us. I miss her and still love her but I can't forgive what she said to me over the past year, mostly 3 words she said to me, at Tinker's soccer game.

RosieD never knew the me before Roo. She knew the me during the biggest crisis of my life. And it wasn't until I started gaining more strength physically and emotionally, that I realized how controlling she was. How shocked I was when my eyes were finally open, that she actually enjoyed me being weak. It makes me so sad to think how our friendship disintegrated because of her insecurities and jealousy. It makes me angry...but also so sad. Tonight, talking about Tinker with her, was like the good ole days. Except, we were talking about Tinker Tot's recent bout of illnesses and what needs to be done. I really think for RosieD, she felt it was a way of getting back into our friendship, it was like she didn't skip a beat, like the words that can NEVEREVER be forgiven can be unsaid. They can't. She said them they're out there. I'll talk to her because my Tinker is VERY SICK. I'll listen to what she's been doing to help nurse Tinker back to health so I know what Tinker will be like when I see her tomorrow.

14 days of a runny, snotty, ear.....12 weeks of ringworm in their home....her daughter has it on her face, arms, back, and head. I had to fight RosieD on getting tubes in Tinker's ears when she was 3. She thought I was overreacting. Ya know, I overreacted about everything because of Roo....whateva....I did work in a hospital for years....it's not like I'm stupid. Tonight, she says to me, Thank God, Thank God for her tubes......I'm thinking ya no thanks to you....she wanted her to go through allergy testing 1st....40 pricks in her back to make sure she really needed tubes and a T&A.

I know RosieD's true heart and spirit. I know we will never be friends again. I know that I will never be able to forgive her for what she said. I miss the person she pretended to be though. The good friend that was always there to laugh with me, cry with me, encourage each other, make new memories with all 5 of our girls together. I can't risk letting my guard down, no matter how much I miss who I thought she was. She made sure Tinker was in the room the whole time we were talking. I know Tinker's little heart probably jumped with joy......Tinker doesn't know the words she said that crushed my heart. Tinker is only 6. One day Tinker will be older and will see her step-mom and me in a light where all our strengths and weaknesses shine through. She will ask again what happened that one fateful day. And I, being the good person I am, will tell her once again......she never needs to know what RosieD said to me......because they love each other....and I will never take that away........by repeating those 3 little words.



1 comment:

Mariah said...

Intriguing story, sounds complicated